


awake (floating in the thoughts of bittersweet)

by sunflower_8



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Insomnia, M/M, References to Depression, Sleep Deprivation, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:54:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22518832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: well, it’s not going to make much of a difference. nagito will just shatter with company instead of fragmenting alone. it doesn’t make it easier.nothing does.(or, hajime and nagito can't sleep)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 2
Kudos: 127





	awake (floating in the thoughts of bittersweet)

“you’re awake.”

nagito looks up, meeting hajime’s eyes. he nods stiffly.

he’s awake because his anxiety keeps him up at night, and it’s difficult-- impossible-- to calm down enough to sleep. so he comes here, to the beach, and waits for the sunrise. while alone, he usually succumbs to his thoughts that tear him apart and eat him up, but now that hajime’s here…

well, it’s not going to make much of a difference. nagito will just shatter with company instead of fragmenting alone. it doesn’t make it easier.

nothing does.

“can i join you?”

tucking his knees up to his chest, nagito nods.

hajime dips his feet in the water. he watches. 

nagito feels paralyzed in his place on the beach sand. he kind of wants to sink into it and get swallowed whole.

_ should he? _

“can you go to sleep?” hajime asks. nagito bites back a bitter laugh. they both know the answer to that question. “there’s narcotics in the hospital. just ask tsumiki.”

_ i’m scared of what i could do with them,  _ nagito thinks.  _ or what i’ve already done. did. whatever.  _

“you can’t sleep either.” 

hajime nods, a grimace on his face. “yeah.” he flicks the water and fixates on the ripples. nagito fixates on him. “too many nightmares,” hajime confesses after some silence. “the first killing game. and the neo world program. and all the time in between, i guess.” he takes in a deep breath and looks at nagito. “i watch you die a lot. in the dreams.”

nagito frowns. his metal hand traces the sand, making patterns. “oh. i suppose my death was gruesome.”  _ the fact that i tried to kill you doesn’t help,  _ he thinks of adding, but hajime is too tired to fight him. nagito doesn’t want to inconvenience him. 

(still, he’s unsure how he could ever be expected to overcome the conditioning he’s had for years. the others try to force him towards treatment, but he’ll never really get better. he’s still a monster, a catalyst, a failure. hajime disagrees.)

hajime agrees with him now, though. “it was, but that’s hardly the issue.” nagito doesn’t press. hajime keeps talking anyway. “i never thought you would be able to die. you were always too invincible. you were above everything.”

_ i’m sinking, hajime-  _ the thought claws at nagito’s throat.  _ i’m broken, i’m damaged, you’re the only person whose ever  _ **_wanted_ ** _ me, i’m not going to live past twenty six- _

“do you get nightmares?” hajime inquires.

he shrugs. “sometimes.”

_ flashbacks, nightmares, semantics.  _

“did you have one today?”

nagito shakes his head. hajime bites his lip and nods, looking back at the moonlit ocean. 

nagito looks down. his hand has drawn a four leaf clover. 

_ huh.  _

he really wishes he could die.

“hajime.” his name comes out scratchy, a record played too many times. nagito averts his eyes before he can see the other’s warm (and cold) irises, framed by dark circles. he buries both his hands into the ground, hoping the beach is carrying something like  _ broken glass  _ or  _ sharp rocks _ that can tear into his fingertips. there’s nothing. 

he knows he should say something, because hajime is still looking at him, but he can hardly muster enough strength to stop slumping, much less say something coherent. he’s so tired-- so, so tired-- and he loses himself in his thoughts, self-destructive and despairing in nature. 

he’s jarred by the feeling of someone beside him, shoulders brushing. nagito still doesn’t look up, but he hears hajime whisper his name, and after a pause- “what’s going on in that brain of yours? is everything alright?”

_i’m_ ** _despairing_** _,_ _hajime._

nagito shakes his head numbly, and hajime sighs. the brunette doesn’t attempt to pull nagito closer, into an embrace, favoring the quiet instead. nagito appreciates the space-- he hates being suffocated in pity-- but hajime’s arms are  _ warm  _ and he kind of wants to hug him.

he kind of wants to-

“is it…” nagito coughs. “is it wrong of me to want to die?”

“no,” hajime replies easily. the next statement comes out a little more hesitant, a bit more awkward. “but i don’t want you to. i’d miss you. i hope you know that.”

“you’re the only one who would,” nagito argues weakly.

hajime exhales softly from his nose. “you’re not going to believe anything i say.”

“yeah.” it hadn’t been a question, but nagito thinks hajime deserves a response. 

two arms wrap around nagito’s waist, and he feels hajime’s chin on his shoulder. he immediately crumbles, shaking a little as he sniffles. it has nothing to do with the cold, but hajime is warm and nagito loves him for it. he loves him for a lot of things, but he’s sure hajime would disagree, because neither of them are stable enough for a relationship, and they both have too many defenses up for honesty to break through. there’s still trust, though, and it’s the only good thing nagito has, melting on his tongue into something sweet. 

“i’m here.” hajime nuzzles into nagito’s neck. he lets out a sob, and hajime only pulls him closer. “i’ve got you. i promise.”

“i need you,” nagito breathes. his lip quivers and he sounds slightly hysterical. 

hajime smiles. it’s bittersweet. “without you, nagito, i would have lost my mind a long time ago.”

nagito shakes his head. “you could survive without me.”

“i could.” hajime kisses his neck. “but i wouldn’t want to.”

_ hajime...  _

he cracks a little, tears falling down his face. he can feel hajime cry against his pale skin, too. he falls apart, trusting that the other would hold him as he dissolves in a fury of panic and desperation until he finally settles down. hajime doesn’t let go, and nagito loves him _so_ _much_. 

_ kissing him would taste like citrus and sunflowers and  _

“do you get lonely when you try to sleep?” hajime pulls away, just a little. his eyes are filled with tears. nagito nods, and hajime musters a smile. “me too.”

(it’s all too much for him)

“hajime, what are we doing?” nagito asks. hajime doesn’t reply, so he continues. “you shouldn’t be doing this. not with me.”

_ there are a thousand walls we have to break through first, and we haven’t brought down a single one. what can i do to stop this? hajime, when will you understand that i don’t want to lose you to this? _

“i want to understand you.” hajime wipes away some of his tears. nagito can feel his drying on his cheeks. “i want to love you.”

“you know i’ll never let you,” nagito replies instinctually, curling in on himself. hajime’s arms still keep him upright, and he hates them for that. he wants to  _ sink _ . “you can’t. and i won’t let you.”

“you’re not going to be able to stop me, but… i’ll wait as long as it takes until you let me say those words.” hajime brushes through nagito’s white hair, his heterochromatic eyes vulnerable for the first time in a while. “i need you, though. remember that.”

nagito is about to refute that  _ my luck will kill you,  _ but he notices that the four leaf clover he traced in the sand has washed away. he thinks it symbolizes a promise. 

“c’mon.” hajime stands up suddenly, holding out a hand for nagito. “let’s head back. mine or yours?”

“yours.” nagito takes his hand. “hajime, we’re not going to be able to sleep. i’m... i’m still going to stay up, and you’re going to get nightmares, and… and…” 

hajime intertwines their fingers together. “i know, but hey,” he smiles. “at least we won’t be lonely.”

after a pause, nagito nods and starts walking beside him. “i’m sorry,” he whispers.

“it’s okay. we’ll be okay.”

_ i’ll try and believe you, hajime. _

**Author's Note:**

> yeah y'all idk if this is a vent fic or not but it,,, exists
> 
> it was going to be hurt/no comfort but i guess my angsty ass is still a c o w a r d, and thus, hurt/comfort
> 
> i do love the trope of two people bonding over something and not really connecting with each other. i just wanted them to be happy. 
> 
> anyway. stay safe everyone.


End file.
